The Annotated Schaeuble Cyprus Post-Mortem

Confused by the litany of threats, palliatives, urgings, promises and outright lies just uttered by the German’s finmin wheelchair maestro? Fear not for we are here to explain it all:

  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS IT’S A “SERIOUS SITUATION” – Which as Juncker told us, means “you have to lie.”
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS GERMANY REGRETS CYPRUS DECISION – Cyprus regrets the German regret
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS CYPRUS WILL GET NO MONEY IF THEY DONT ACCEPT OUR OFFERS – Unless Russia and China submit their own better “offers”
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS CREDITORS HAVE TO BE INVOLVED WHEN THERE IS AN INSOLVENCY – They usually are, and usually end up with nothing or just more than nothing
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS NO ONE EXCEPT CYPRUS IS TO BLAME FOR ITS CURRENT SITUATION – Likewise for its creditors
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS CYPRUS GOVT THINKS WITH ITS DECISION IT CAN ATTRACT LARGE INVESTORS TO CYPRUS IN FUTURE – Russia is happy that Germany thinks it is large
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS CYPRUS’S “BUSINESS MODEL” DOESN’T WORK ANY MORE, RATINGS AGENCY HAVE DOWNGRADED TO JUNK LEVEL – Italy and Spain’s business models are therefore about to break next
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS 2 LARGE CYPRUS BANKS ARE ESSENTIALLY INSOLVENT WITHOUT HELP – All large banks are insolvent without help
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS HE THINKS CYPRUS MUST ACT QUICKLY, THERE ISN’T ENOUGH TIME TO WAIT UNTIL JUNE – And certainly not until September when the German elections are
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS EURO ZONE IS MUCH MORE STABLE THAN PREVIOUSLY – sell first bullet

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